Starting 15 or so years ago there was a several years long push to get the idea of Open Borders into people’s minds. Proponents got a fair amount of exposure in online forums and there were debates which the Open Borders proponents inevitably lost badly. A Spergosaurus Rex by the name of Bryan Caplan, an economics professor, became the public face of the idea. He seemed proud of his total lack of understanding of human motivations and ignorance of the idea of unintended consequences.
Then, in 2015, Germany conducted a limited Open Borders experience which has been a total catastrophe with ever increasing bad results (only about half of the 2015 have ever had any paid employment in Germany and mostly that’s been in low income jobs). Germany’s tried to reinstate some kind of EU border controls but lack the assertiveness to make very much stick and are spectacularly bad at actuallydeporting anyone so 2023 saw large numbers of new arrivals for their welfare system to support.
It’s pretty obvious that the powers that be intended that period to acclimate people to the idea. Despite almost no one finding the concept very appealing they’ve said ‘Hell with it!’ and have decided to put the idea into practice on the US-Mexico border and have shown a high level of determination to keep it going for as long as possible.
Those who like the idea are sure to suffer no negative consequences and so anyone who can get into Mexico will now be able to hop across the border to the US where they will never be forced to leave.
Interestingly Caplan seems to have nothing to say about the current situation on the Mexican border which I take as him knowing when to be quiet (an innovation for him).
It’s the new system that has been in place for… a few years now. Ideas are floated publicly and then implemented with no particular regard for citizen reactions or real world consequences. Welcome to Post-Democracy….
In case anyone was wondering what was going on with protests in Poland…. this is an abbreviated and simplified version (and written with my biases on full display). So….
The previous ruling party (PiS) once hoped for a super majority that would allow them to rewrite the constitution by themselves. They never achieved this so they went with Plan B: they attempted to dismantle the existing justice system and to replace it with one that would do whatever the government told it to do. This has created legal chaos as there are essentially two separate systems functioning at the same time within the same system.
A few years ago the president (affiliated with the former ruling party) pardoned a couple of government officials on trial for breaking the law while pursuing an anti-corruption case that eventually led to the suicide of the leader of a previous coalition partner of PiS. This was weird because the verdict was not final (a verdict is final in Poland only after all appeal procedures are exhausted and this can take years in some complicated cases). Constitutional experts were divided on what, if anything, this pardon meant. The constitutional tribunal ruled that the president could do pardon them before a final verdict but it had been stuffed with compliant figures ready to do whatever they were told.
After the current government coalition came to power the final verdict in the case finally came in and both figures were declared guilty. This meant that according to existing law they were no longer able to serve as members of parliament. But the former ruling party said that because of the pardon the final verdict in the trial meant nothing. The current ruling coalition said the pardon was meaningless and the two needed to report to prison to serve their sentences.
Arrest warrants were issued for the two figures who briefly tried to use the presidential palace as a sanctuary (there is no legal basis for this). After a farce involving a broken down bus parked in front of the palace preventing the presidential motorcade from entering, police entered the premises and the two were arrested and taken to prison.
The president kept saying he had no intention of issuing a new pardon (which he could do). This would be tantamount to an admission that the first pardon was meaningless. Eventually, supposedly at the request of the two mens wives (who appeared in a…. memorably awkward press conference with the president) he said he would begin the procedure to pardon them again effectively admitting his first pardon was meaningless (and that the men have lost their positions as MPs).
Meanwhile, the aged and deranged leader of PiS decided to use the opportunity to try to fire up his base again (they have no positive agenda.. everything they’ve done for 8 years was against the previous government or other enemies real or imagined).
Now the leader of PiS hates, hates HATES Germany. No matter that it is an ally in the EU and NATO and irregardless of any attempt by Polish or German figures to work toward reconciliation he openly regards Germany as the absolute worst enemy of Poland and is constantly making the case that the whole purpose of the EU is to turn Poland into a province of Germany and he is constantly making claims in public that the former and current prime minister, Donald Tusk, former president of the European Council, of being a covert German agent in the plan to wipe Poland off the map.
So that’s what the protests were about… a criminal conviction being recast as German oppression to fire up the welfare dependent base of the former ruling party.
the Polish political scene is often infuriating or absurd or just plain insane…. but it is never boring.
I finally saw Barbie. I have… thoughts and unanswered questions.
From the beginning homage to Kubrick’s 2001 with little girls and baby dolls instead of pre-human hominids scratching themselves it’s not clear what the point is… I’ve heard the movie referred to as a two-hour informercial, an exercise in middle aged nostalgia and wokeness with a human face and none of those entirely fit. A student was trying to ‘explain’ the plot to me a few weeks ago and I had no idea what they were talking about but after seeing this I’m also at a loss to describe it in terms of plot. So just some random notes…
Nowhere to be seen, no love for sexually active 1950s German single girls….
No Bild Lilli: Ideally the doll in the opening sequence would have been Bild Lilli, the German inspriation of Barbie, and a little girl would have thrown a doll part into the air it would have turned into Barbie. But Mattel probably doesn’t want to be reminded that Barbie was based on a character who very obviously had an active sex life.
No love for Alan: On the whole, women hate low status men far more than they hate men who actively oppress women. No slightest bit of sympathy for the character who’s treated as a one-dimensional joke from beginning to end.
Not so funny: The first time I genuinely laughed was when Barbie tried to drink a glass of water in the real world. That’s a very low ratio for something billed, even partly, as a comedy. The other funny bits were Ken’s idea that patriarchy was about horses. And ‘Mojo Dojo Casa House’, a phrase I now love.
I now want my own Mojo Dojo Casa House….
MVPs: Ryan Gosling was easily the best in show. Margot Robbie is a few years past her peak Barbie similarity but she does very well with a physically challenging and tricky role (an actress who looked the part more might not have the right physicality to make drinking air liquids or locking up like a discarded doll seem plausible. She’s also good in her initial coming to terms with the real world. Past the halfway mark the script lets her down badly. She does what she can but…
Least MVPs: Too many to count… Will Ferrel was maybe the weakest link, but he had a lot of competition.
Biggest cringe: The dreadful and unbearable speech about how hard it is to be a woman… is it possible to blacklist whoever wrote that and keep them writing anything else, ever again? Soo stupid. Runner up: Barbie going to a gynecologist at the end…. how? Second runner up: the Barbies giving themselves awards for…. existing?
Glaring ommission: There was no slightest understanding of men or male drives or ‘patriarchy’ for all that that’s become a buzz word. The closest was Ken’s horse obsession. It’s like the people who made the movie never actually met or talked with men but had only read third hand descriptions of them in women’s magazines. It would have been much funnier if the Kens started showing an interest in things like sticks or map-making or optimizing traffic flows or upgrading vehiciles or garden maintenance.
Sex as a weapon: It’s funny that a supposedly feminism infused movie falls back on an old manosphere trope of women’s agency beginnning and ending with sexuality. The Barbies’ plan to fix Barbieworld boiled down to inciting sexual jealousy (among beings with no genitals…. so…..).
My history with Barbie: As a small child with a working mother I was in ‘daycare’ which was a local woman with a big house who ‘looked after’ a dozen or more kids every day. I remember being part of a mixed groups of boys and girls playing with a set of the current dolls (Barbie, Ken, Midge, Alan). The lady with the house sometimes told us scary adventure stories and then we acted them out with the dolls. We didn’t play dress up with them but they did spend a lot of the time naked.
Final thoughts: I have the idea that this was three or four separate projects and they couldn’t decide which to go with and so they just… mashed them up together and hoped for the best. The result is kind of an incoherent mess. But this is the age of peformative discourse and it became a major phenomenon because everybody said it was a major phemonenon.
The Grand Final… happened. The opening number was fun an involved several iconic Ukrainian Eurovision acts.
If Eurovision happened without Verka… would it make a sound?
Now, the countries with byes…
France: This has been my favorite for months. A well-constructed number with an intro that morphs into a mid-tempo dance bop with a great bridge, ultimate high (not whistle) note and a great final chorus. The live performance was similar to the video with the singer on a pedastal (instead of being in the Eifel Tower).
Spain: The hardest ethnic entry from Spain in many, many years. A flamenco-style number that is short on lyrics but long on style and clapping. I loved everything but the singer’s big clunky white shoes… But I worry that it’s a tough sell for normie audiences.
Italy: I like the singer who’s at Eurovision for a second time. Since Italy uses San Remo as its qualifier it usually does pretty well. The song though is not as good as his first effort but Eurovision has gotten used to Italian numbers in recent years.
Ukraine: Kind of a misfire. I want to like it but it’s too…. diffuse without a foot either in a cohrent national tradition or normie international pop.
Germany: Hey, Deutschland! You need to learn to read the room, already… years ago when Southern Europe was reeling under German imposed austerity Germany sent some flaky woman singing about how she has a perfect life…. This time, to a Eurovision being hosted by a country being attacked by a genocidal maniac…. they sent a goth costume rock number with the lyrics “Blood and glitter, sweet and bitter, We’re so happy we could die”
United Kingdom: Rather like Austria this number had a fun, engaging video but this performance was way off… the vocals were… not good and the whole thing never quite took off.
Again, I think Eurovision needs to get rid of byes… 2 rounds and the top 12 (or even just 10) numbers from go into the final. Surely the big 5 and/or previous winning countries would prefer a graceful exit in the semis rather than the big public humiliation that some of them get now.
Surprisingly tasteful.
Interval act: The best interval act was a medley of songs associated with Liverpool. Despite a bad beginning (“Imagine” is not an uplifting or inspiring song… and “imagine there’s no countries” is again a bad message to send to a country in an existential war). But it got better and ended with a rousing version of “You’ll never walk alone” with a crap ton of former Eurovision performers singing to Ukraine (represented by Ruslana in Kyiv).
Interestingly the Icelandic singer was performing on the Eurovision stage for a live audience for the very first time despite being a contestant twice before (2020 and 2021 when a band member tested positive for covid and their performances were taped while the band stayed in their hotel).
Voting: The last few years have revealed a split between the juries (which prefer very conventional pop songs performed in English) and the televoters (who aren’t afraid of non-English language entries or troll entries or just zany madcap fun that the juries take a dim view of).
The last two years saw the televoters win while this year belonged to the juries. It was clear very early on that they were going all in for Sweden in an attempt to give her an insurmountable lead against the televote.
It worked. While Finland convincingly won the televote (and the live audience) it wasn’t enough to overcome the juries and Sweden won… Not long after that a conspiracy theory emerged that the ESC really, really, REALLY wanted the 50th anniversary of Abba’s 1974 victory to also take place in Sweden.
During the voting each new batch of votes for Sweden was met with the crowd chanting Finland’s “CHA CHA CHA!” (largely blocked in national broadcasts but very audible in the youtube live feed).
It wasn’t the type of finish I’d hoped for but complaining about the voting results is as time-honored a Eurovision tradition as is over-the-top costumes and iffy singing… CHA CHA CHA!!!!
Why are Eurovision Semi-Finals so…. uneven? This year the first semi got all the juice and the second got all the pulp. The first semi got all the meat and the second was… not even potatoes… maybe American white bread…
Very undistinguished and sane in the worst possible way. It’s like they wanted to turn ‘forgettable’ into an art form…
Anyhoo, here are the entries. For the first half or so the outfits often made more of an impression than the songs or performers.
Denmark: Very slight androgynous guy in a pint suit with heart cutouts…. distorted autotuned vocals a very slight tune that goes nowhere and takes the whole song to get there.
Armenia: In a white, kind of revealing outfit and the song is extremely forgettable. I mean really… forgettable. Ten seconds after it was over I couldn’t even tell you if it was fast or slow or anything about it and I’m determined not to look at the video to remind myself.
Romania: Dorky guy in a pink outfit (enough with the pink already!) It’s….. almost a song. But not quite… For some reason a gold-clad bimbo comes out and smears black paint on him… Well that’s something! Maybe they should have begun with that and I wouldn’t have fallen asleep.
Estonia: In flowing blue gown. A lot of people apparently like this entry. But then a lot of people apparently like radioactive nacho cheese sauce, so… lots of people liking it doesn’t mean ‘interesting’.
I wonder what he sees when he looks in the mirror…..
Belgium: Best worst outfit so far, a cross between a zoot suit, a gay gaucho outfit and a 1970s locker (without the plaid or stripes). The song has traces of the 1970s and 1990s before settling into a late 1980s anthemic dance groove. Not much of a voice though. The backup singers have great harmonies (whether live or on tape) and I wish they were featured more. On second thought get rid of Señor Gaucho Gay and redo the number with them front and center.
Cyprus: Finally, a more than simply competent performance. Not great…. but not terrible and so far that counts for something. Wears a black sleeveless thing and badly cut pants that make his feet look like potatoes.
Iceland: A very good Singer with an…. okay song. Best part is her dance moves that look like she’s trying for slow motion capoeira. Okay….
Greece: A sort of safari outfit (but no hat) and the least impressive vocals so far this contest… and that is sayin’ something. Really weak. Very weak. Not much of a song but the vocals still aren’t up to it.
Poland: There was a lot of controversy in Poland over the selection after a truly awful live performance during the national selection. The jury votes were over-weighted and chose her (the girlfriend of one of the judge’s sons) over a more popular androgynous guy (who was better but not that much better). On the other hand, she did produce a meme with her bad pronunciation of ‘baby’ as ‘bejba’ (bay-buh). The amount of autotune rolled out for the live performance to make her seem on pitch almost drained the UK national grid.
Poland looks for the pitch… is it up there? Down there? Where could it be?
Slovenia: Poppy, rocky kind of thing and they were dressed in a poppy rocky kind of way. Yeah. I want this to go through.
Georgia: Something in the water in Georgia? They often come up with weird stuff. This isn’t… that weird though her vocals are (purposefully?) all over the place. Sounds a bit like Poland’s entry last year but louder and faster.
San Marino: High Energy mid 1970s-ish pop rock number…. usually I wouldn’t be crazy about it. But tonight it does liven the dull proceedings up a bit. Oah…kaaay.
Ein Kontinent! Ein Songwettbewerb! Ein Schriftsteller! Never change, Austria… on the second thought maybe give change a try…
Austria: The closest thing to a troll number (like Croatia). Two women sing about Edgar Allen Poe… for some reason. Dressed in red and black and white (really Austria?). The computer graphics do what they can to make the whole thing look like a virtual and fun mini-nazi rally… (really Austria?) but the live performance lacks the manic nerd energy that made the video popular. Now that I’m here, I wonder how Edgar Allen Poe translates into other languages. His meticulous prose sets off little pleasure bombs in the brains of many American readers (at least this one). But a weird choice to focus on for Europe….
Albania: I love Albanian music but this just fails to land for me. The lead singer is dressed like a Klingon and a group of other people are mingling around including an older couple that sing a bit… the music is also mixed with elements of pop and Turkish Arabesk.
Lithuania: Another number that some people love and which I do not compute. She begins in a whispy, thin waif voice…. have I mentioned how much I hate whispy, thin, waif voiced numbers? It picks up a bit later but… too little too late.
Australia: High energy, late Duran Duran type sounding number but a bit more… rockish (I’m using -ish this year as much as Rocky Flinstone does). It’s okay which means ‘really good’ for tonight.
Results: Denmark, Georgia, Greece, Iceland, Romania and San Marino are out…. I would trade Iceland and San Marino for Armenia and Estonia… going through, but that’s Eurovision.
I’m now thinking the memorableness of the Grand Final will depend a _lot_ on the running order.
Forget the Vernal Equinox, forget Easter (Catholic or Orthodox) forget May Day, if you live in Europe (especially toward the North) nothing says “We’ve made it out of winter… again” quite like Eurovision.
Last night was this year’s first Semi-final (if I’m not mistaken the stronger of the two).
Although Ukraine won last year, holding the contest in Ukraine was held to be… not possible this year. Instead, the idea is a kind of co-hosting situation, with Ukraine nominally hosting while the contest itself is held in the UK (last year’s runner up).
The Ukraine presence was a bit understated last night with only one of the three hostesses being Ukrainian but better than nothing I guess.
The ‘post cards’ before each entry shows a place in Ukraine, a similar-ish place in the UK and then a similar-ish place in the country the performer is representing.
As usual I mostly zone out during the opening and the interval acts so I’ll just get directly to the entries.
Norway: Highly placed betting pools got the unfortunate opening spot. Kind of typical up-tempo girl power number with by the numbers choreography and an amazon bondage outfit. Maybe trying to echo the Norwegian entry that won the televote in 2019 Apparently missed a high note toward the end but I didn’t really notice.
Malta: Great underdog performance. The begin standing next to cardboard cut outs of recent Malta entries and then tear into an up-beat bop (as the kids say). A bit similar to Moldova 2017 both in terms of music and performance but a lot of fun and the crowd loved it.
Serbia: Dark almost metal-esque rock ballad with video game graphics going on. Vocals were a bit underpowered. Guys dressed as cyber… soldiers? grunts? had hoses attached to their backs and were dancing around…. for reasons that probably make sense to someone.
Latvia: Nice anthemic pop song appealingly delivered…. it’s doomed. This is Eurovision not Nice-pop-song-vision. Come back when you find some dancing goats or something.
Portugal: I love this entry which is very Portuguese (in terms of instrumentation and melody) sounding. I was worried about how an international normie audience would react, especially given the minimal staging. No need, the performer has presence to spare and she easily filled the stage with her charisma and the crowd was won over.
Ireland: Big anthemic up-tempo ballad about unity. The lead-singer wore a 1970s style gold lame jumpsuit which…. I liked and it worked. The crowd loved it to pieces but this is Liverpool where over 70% of the population has some degree of Irish ancestry so that’s probably not an unbiased opinion.
This picture gives no idea about how barking mad this was…..
Croatia: What the hell did I just see. That’s not a question. It’s just my reaction. What the hell did I just see. I knew this was a weird entry from the previous video version. The live performance took that and dialed it up… way past 11 and up to about 14 and a half. Five guys dressed in trench coats and/or dresses with East European dictator moustaches singing about Mom bought a tractor over and over again while hallucinogenic lightshows are projected on the stage. Eventually a guy who looks like a cartoon villain comes out with two rockets which shoot sparklers off…. Apparently it’s making fun of dictators. M’kay… But that leaves the question… what the hell did I just see.
Switzerland: Oh god, this is dreary. After last year’s assurance that boys do, in fact, cry, this year they sent some weenie to sing about how he doesn’t want to be a soldier…. Not a good message because it’s not always up to you. First entry I just flat out dislike this year.
Israel: Kind of a generic Eurovision power ballad with lots of underpowered just baaaarely on key singing. Decides to win any wavering televoters’ attention by letting loose with a lot of low class sexy-moves®. Meh. Last year Spain won the audience’s heart by waving her booty around like there was no tomorrow and that was kind of fun. This just reeks of desperation as moves went past playful and provocative into rank biker club stripper territory. The audience does no share my reservations.
Moldova: Hard East European rhythms to pagan invocations to the sun and moon and a dancing dwarf playing a flute. Moldova… how do you do it? Per capita, no country in Eurovision punches above its weight so consistently. The lead singer does a charming little jig to the dwarf’s playing and I feel ridiculously happy in that way that only Eurovision can deliver.
I think Moldova has a lock on the gold when the olympics introduce Dwarf Dancing as a medal event…
Sweden: Past winner and current favorite to win again with a kind of, sort of, similar-ish song (but bigger and louder). There are tons of commitment to the performance. It’s very good and will score well with the jury and probably the televote. But no sparks for me… Her persona though…. a bit overly dramatic and incredibly long fingernail extensions… there’s an interesting Nora Desmond vibe that bodes well for the final.
Azerbaijan: Kind of a 90s album cut vibe to a vibey laid back song. Very…. laid back and vibey and…. did I mention the vibes? Lots of vibes with this… Nice vibes… zzzz
Czechia: All girl group singing a folk inspired thing about girl power and sisterly solidarity with super long braids which they use some in the choreography. Some controversy because the group has a russian member (who says she supports Ukraine).
Netherlands: Pleasant enough slowish number. Not too exciting. Pleasant enough…. kind of reminds me of something soft and pleasant…
I speak Eurovision so trust me, this makes complete sense!
Finland: Another favorite in the betting pools. The performer has green puffy caterpillar sleeves and a bare chest and keep shouting about cha cha cha cha cha! while pink clad dancers have maniacal grins and act out part of the movie ‘the Human Caterpillar’. His voice is a little thin in places but still, the whole thing is just insanely catchy and just plain insane and as the song ends the Ukrainian presenter seems a tad freaked out by the whole thing…
Summary: I don’t know what’s going on with Eurovision but it’s somehow managing to improve quality while still being weird and ethnic (those two factors seem to be more help than harm anymore….). The only song I really disliked was Switzerland (on lyrical grounds) and actually have a bit of trouble figuring out which songs I don’t want to qualify… which is a new feeling for Eurovision and me…
And being from Eastern Europe doesn’t seem to engender the same… scorn it did even a few years ago and that’s also new….
Results: Malta, Ireland, Latvia, Azerbaijan and Netherlands are out. I would have gladly traded either Ireland or Malta for Switzerland but other than that not much to complain about.
Occasionally I have…. premonitions. For example, recently I had strong vibes that someone close to a friend was going to die a few days before they found out that an important ex of theirs had died months previously.
Maybe it’s chance and coincidence but it happens often enough that I don’t just dismiss it out of hand and it’s one of the main reasons I’m officially agnostic and not a full on atheist/rationalist.
The other day out of nowhere I had strong memories of an acquaintance of a colleague that I’d met a few times in passing. The person is extremely intelligent and unfortunately mentally ill and previous meetings had been… uncomfortable for me so it’s not someone I was hankering to meet.
Today during the break between classes I was walking through the main hall in the building I work in when this same person, looking very much the worse for wear approached me out of nowhere “Are you Cliff Arroyo?” I had to admit I was and then spent an extremely uncomfortable 10 minutes listening to the saga of an apartment he’s locked out of and he’s written about it on his blog and unreasonable family members and the vagaries of Polish law (which I admitted to not understanding). It was all delivered very chaotically in at least three languages…
I nodded and finally explained I had to get to class and got asked what type of class to be informed that he has experience in that field (I knew he does) and a suggestion (which I ignored) that he might sit in on the class. Fortunately I was saved by an elevator (he seemed afraid of them). He suggested he might wait for me after the class.
When I was leaving the building a few minutes earlier than planned I saw he was in the main hall but his back was turned and I lit out of there like a scalded duck.
I’m not proud of it, but…. it is what it is. I do feel bad for him and wish he could get help but I’m in no position to do so.
Congruence is, roughly, the effect achieved when a person’s body language and other aspects of their non-verbal communication are in sync with the verbal message. Congruence, or its lack, is part of the intuition ‘gut feelings’ that people feel when they decide they can or cannot trust someone. Lots of subconscious evidence is perceived and the result either fits or doesn’t fit.
I’d been puzzled by Dylan Mulvаney for… quite some time. At first I assumed some kind of sincere-ish trаns personality but it never fit. As a (previously?) gay man he would likely be, Blаnchаrd’s taxonomy an HSTS (homosеxual trаnsеxual), that is a gay man who feminizes as much as possible to attract more masculine partners. But that doesn’t fit because I cannot imagine any man being attracted to Mulvаney’s shrieking caricature of ‘girlhood’. Similarly he doesn’t seem like an AGP (autogynеphile) that is a (usually) straight man who fantasizes sеxually about being a woman.
When you put it all together, the stage voice, over-the-top body language the congruence comes through – it’s a performance. I now think he’s involved in some kind of next level post-modern drag performance art, a younger Dame Edna.
She would be proud…
Even the ‘political’ and commercial aspects seem to fit in. As drag, it works better than the grotesque, rainbow child-eating monsters that have become the norm after however many seasons of Drag Race.
The news that he’s going to be on Broadway just cements that.
I’m still not sure that’s all it is, but it’s a big part of it.
Due to work considerations (meaning I had to get up early Sunday morning) I didn’t hang around for the entire event and turned off the TV after the last entry was performed. So I’ll just go through the songs with byes…
France: After a third place finish last year, France was scared and decided to make very sure they wouldn’t win by sending a Satanic mass disguised as a techno dance number sung in Breton (meaning no French language entries after finishing 2 and 3 last year). I kept waiting for the human sacrifices to start and I’m fully expecting this to show up in an evangelical video about Satanic influence in popular music (as if Eurovision counted as ‘popular music’).
Back to the pits of hell with you, foul demons!
Italy: Italy has done well in recent years because the use the San Remo contest (a model for Eurovision itself) as their elimination. This year, to paraphrase someone else, they decided to not actually send a song but rather an overwrought argument between two drama queens standing outside a gay night club at 3 in the morning while they’re waiting for the night bus to show up. And I kind of love them for it. One of the performers seemed to miss an entrance but the audience didn’t care.
Bitchy, romantic love-hate disguised as a song….
Spain: Anyone remember Iris Chacón (aka the Dolly Parton of Puerto Rico)? I think she’s the animal spirit of Spain’s entry this year. She was born in Cuba and apparently decided that the way to work her way into Europe’s heart would be to dress like a stripper matador, hump everything in sight and wave her massive Caribbean booty in the air like she just don’t care. And boy did it work! Just a massive crowd reaction the biggest of the contest so far. Iris was clearly onto something…. booty don’t lie.
Spain, playing demure and hard to get….
Germany: Germany is still hurting over their 2010 win and is taking no chances whatsoever…. The stage is set up like a living room and/or recording studio and the singer goes into gloomy angry teen mode for the whole song, becoming more insufferable by the second. Teens, your supposed to be angry and frustrated on your own or with your friends, no one else has time for that shit. And if you’re no longer a teen and acting like that means you need to be slapped…. hard.
UK: Something has gone horribly wrong in the UK selection process… they inexplicably decided to send something that wasn’t complete crap. Quite the opposite, this is probably the best thing the UK has sent in over 25 (or more) years including the last time they won (which was kind of…. not…. good). A popish, soaring ballad with real sweep and really well performed. Will heads roll or is Brexit working?
Post-mortem: No one was skunked this year with nil points (though Germany and France were last and last runner-up…). The top seven in ascending order Moldova, Italy, Serbia, Sweden, Spain, UK and Ukraine. All in all very credible. See you next year….
The thing with Eurovision is that it doesn’t set trends (beyond the contest itself). And the thing about popular music in general is that it’s stopped changing and evolving and is simply cannibalizing itself. I haven’t heard anything really…. original in popular music in well over 20 years. This is a roundabout way of saying that this years second semi-final for Eurovision was heavy with musical déjà entendu…
So… on with the… show…
Finland: Supposedly a famous group… I hate it when famous groups appear here…. Kind of a rock thing with a heavy 1990s vibe. Next.
Israel: I’m shaken. The singer is apparently openly gay and singing about it. Is Eurovision ready for a gay performer? Anonymous dancey thing with lots of bitchy posing.
What unspeakable rite are these people taking part in?
Serbia: What’s up with Serbia… lots of crazy people there, not in harmless cute ways but kind of disturbing like they wouldn’t give a second thought to skinning you and wearing you as clothes. This might have made more of an impression had she been mic’ed properly. I… appreciated more than enjoyed it.
Azerbaijan: Generic male Eurovision ballad. Not feeling it.
Georgia: Absurd and wonderful. Musically this owes a _lot_ to New Wave (around 1980 give or take a year). One of my favorites this year but the audience is not so… impressed. I fear for the worst.
Willy Wonka and the Eurovision Song Contest…
Malta: This was…. okay…. Kind of generic Eurovision anthem about being yourself….. okay….
San Marino: The performer is a bit of a scandalist known to the audience and he wore a black see-through glitter cowboy outfit and rode a pink mechanical bull…. This is everything I want from Eurovision. Audience goes crazy. Musically it sounds like early 1970s British glam rock but turned up to 11. Thank you Eurovision for giving us this gift.
San Marino casts pearls before the swine of the Eurovision televoters (or juries)….
Australia: I’m shaken. The singer is apparently openly gay and singing about it. Is Eurovision ready for a gay performer? Generic male ballad belted out with a jeweled veil type thing and some conviction. Pass.
Cyprus: Generic Cyprus-Greek type dancey thing with a stage prop that suggests manatees, somehow.
Ireland: A fun enough girl-with-attitude number singing to an ex…. but the performer has no gay friends (or her mirror broke before she got on stage). Surprisingly joyless…
Macedonia: Kind of dreary ballad that starts nowhere and goes nowhere….
Estonia: Guy has terrible, incomprehensible English diction (I was wondering if he was singing in Estonian or Russian at first…) and he couldn’t be arsed to really pretend to play the guitar… So much wrong with this, but… I kind of love it. Strong spaghetti western vibe and the best anthemic song I’ve heard this year. I’m all in.
Tip for pretending to play the guitar… make sure your fingers actually touch the strings.
Romania: I’m shaken. The singer is apparently openly gay and singing about it. Is Eurovision ready for a gay performer? Parts of this dancey thing with lots of…. mincing… are in Spanish for some reason (I know there are lots of Romanian speakers in Spain, but…).
Poland: Kind of generic male ballad that’s high in the betting pools, for some reason. Powerhouse vocals but a bit generic.
Montenegro: Anonymous generic ballad type thing and for some reason she has a large plate type thing attached to her butt, but she doesn’t do anything with it.
Belgium: Anonymous slightly (very slightly) R&B flavored ballad. I cannot wait for it to end….
Sweden: Perpetual jury favorite Sweden with a Swedish sounding up tempo power ballad. Well done for what it is.
Czech Republic: Two members of the group are from Norway…. what can I say? A Scandinavian sounding up tempo power ballad. Well done for what it is….
Summary: Not a distinguished night (beyond Georgia, San Marino and Estonia).
Results: Israel, Georgia, Malta, San Marino, Cyprus, Ireland, Macedonia and Montenegro fail to make the cut… I’m gutted and hate Eurovision and the world on the behalf of Georgia and San Marino… I’m almost ready to declare that I’ll boycott the finale, but… who am I kidding?
The Worked Shoot 